so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
