i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize