By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
