I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
