at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize
