Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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