put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
