There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
