I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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