Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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