Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
