I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
