we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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