stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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