Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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