Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
