So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
