a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Randomize
