Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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