She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
