I can text with my tongue
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
