I hope mine doesn't look like that
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
