lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
