Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
