This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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