Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
