Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
