I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
