i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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