i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i barfeds in our rink
smell my finger.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
