She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
