that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
