loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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