Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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