I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
