I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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