I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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