you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
