Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
