I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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