how can u be prego again
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
