He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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