they need to just BURY HIM!
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
