youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
So apparently I’m into choking now
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
