I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
