I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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