That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
