I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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