3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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