sarcasm needs its own font
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
