that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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