I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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