just survived the first fart of the relationship.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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