I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
