just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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