I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
