normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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