i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Randomize
