Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just want nice things and good sex
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Randomize
