Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
