I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
A bitchslap is in order.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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